I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
