he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
