There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
