dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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