someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
