The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize