Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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