then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
