Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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