How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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