The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
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