I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
