I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
