Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Randomize
