you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
