so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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