His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
