I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
