You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
