the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
