bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize