Just cropdusted the office
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
