True but thats because hes a fetus.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
