my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
