That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize