Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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