at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize