Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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