I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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