I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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