new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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