At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
