Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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