So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize