Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
