Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Randomize
