Only a mothe r could love this liver
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
