is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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