We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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