accomplished twins. life is a go
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
