im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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