the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
