It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
