my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
