I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
