you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
