i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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