I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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