Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
