Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
