I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
