So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
