I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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