My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
