Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
