Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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