i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
