don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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