just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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