This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
