But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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