were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
