when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
cat food counts as protein by the way
How's work?
Spinning.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
