Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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