Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
