My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
