if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
