I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
