Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
