my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
