its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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