Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
