How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
