Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
