super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
