there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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