Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize