my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
