I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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