Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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