worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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