i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize