i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
