does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
