lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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