youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
