i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
