im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
