thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
