i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
