Will you blow on my dice?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
