I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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