I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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