I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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