Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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