I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
