i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
