she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
