using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
