Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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