dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She's just so happy...and so naked.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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