Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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