The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
